The night started badly for the Vampires with 2019’s I Want My Now – a thudding jumble that’s almost, but not quite, a song – and went rapidly downhill. Raise The Dead went on and on, refusing to die despite showing no signs of intelligent life, while My Dead Drunk Friends was, as with all the band’s original material, excruciating.
Cooper’s own I’m Eighteen raised a few fists and while Perry couldn’t carry a pea-sized tune in an elephant-sized bucket, the vulnerability in his voice when he sang Johnny Thunders’s 1978 junkie anthem You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory provided a rare flash of humanity.
A drum solo followed a bass solo, AI slop filled the screens and it all felt like an airless, formless ball of pointless noise. Cooper welcomed on Ronnie Wood – “the most deadly British vampire” – to lead a wedding-party trot through the Rolling Stones’ Brown Sugar. For a moment, when Cooper’s 1972 hit School’s Out mashed into Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall, it all made sense. Hollywood Vampires have fashioned rock’s own graveyard and our job is simply to clap while they dance on the tombstones. Well, no thanks.
“That guy should stick to acting,” one punter laughed on the way out. Which one? I couldn’t help but think.
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