Today is my Mom’s birthday. She’s not a celeb or in the biz or famous, so I think that fact means absolutely nothing to you. I guess it might if you took the Weight Watchers class she taught in the 90s, but it meant I had to get her a gift.
Still, on Social Media and across the internet, one of the biggest topics of conversation is Nepo Babies, especially in Hollywood.
What used to be cute posts about who looks like which parents have become rallying cries for some sectors of the internet against what they feel to be an unfair system.
Just this weekend, I saw a viral post about someone’s dad letting them use a second unit for a short, and another on someone’s daughter trying to explain that even though she had famous parents, she was still talented.
The nepo conversation has created a really toxic environment, and today, I want to unpack it and bring you all to a moment of zen to find your happiness.
Let’s dive in.
‘Novocaine’ Credit: Paramount
Nepotism In Hollywood
Hollywood is, and always has been, a family business. From the Warner brothers divvying up studio roles to today’s multi-generational acting and directing dynasties like Maya Hawke, Jack Quaid, or Dakota Johnson, this is a business that loves a story, and your pedigree builds one.
To get ahead in Hollywood, I always suggest spending as much time networking as you spend doing anything else. The more people and connections you make, the better chance you have of getting your idea out there and breaking in.
Now, it’s obviously easier if you’re networking with more powerful people, or if you have someone powerful inherently in your corner to make those calls and give you a leg up.
But you can’t change where you came from. And you can’t fake having talent.
So I think it’s time we all stopped whining about whose parents worked where.
If you want to have a long and successful career in Hollywood, you need to stop complaining about nepotism.
And start writing, producing, or directing better projects.
‘Stranger Things’ CREDIT: Netflix
The Uncomfortable Truth
Life is not fair, and Hollywood is not a meritocracy. It would be nice if it were like the NBA, and the best players go here as long as they can deliver at a high level, but it is absolutely not like that.
Hollywood is closer to a blue-collar industry where time and trust are what earn you paying clients. Now, your parents might be able to introduce you to more clients if they, like you, were plumbers for years, and you may get a lot of shots at fixing the pipes, but if you can’t tell a Philips head screw driver from a Flat Head, you’re not going to get very far.
My friends and enemies, listen to me, you need to get over the fact that some people have famous parents.
There is literally nothing you can do to change that, and if you had a kid who wanted to break into Hollywood, you would do whatever it took to make sure they did.
That’s how unconditional love works.
Now, I freaking get it. Hollywood was built on a myth that if you work hard enough, you can make it no matter what.
We all know that is not necessarily true.
Over the last few weeks, I have been to a lot of going-away parties, seeing people I think are genuinely talented leaving Los Angeles to pursue lives in cheaper places with jobs that are more stable for them and their families.
I look in them, day in and out, and wonder if I’ll be next.
I had to go listen to Guillermo del Toro in order to free my mind of that darkness.
While it would be nice to be at Soho House celebrating my Mom’s birthday with all her celebratory friends, that’s not the life I was born into. I think I am lucky enough to have a family that genuinely believes I will make it, even when things get bleak here.
Yeah, that’s not a safety net when the rent is due or I have to pay for daycare or the car breaks down, but it’s what I got.
Well, that, and I believe in my talent. I believe that I tell stories that will be bought, sold, and pay for a life that keeps me in the arts.
It’s why I try to write two or three specs a year and chase assignments or network late at night and on weekends.
Now, that truth is uncomfortable, but it is true, and it’s also my only way forward.
Being made about that other stuff gets me nowhere. And it just looks bad.
‘Materialists’ Ending Explained: Love Or Luxury Credit: A24
Find Your Moment of Zen
If you spend your time tweeting about other people’s success or privilege, it just looks bad. Sure, it would be nice to have all the nepo people out there just acknowledge they had a leg up, say something like, “But my talent is why I’ve stuck around,” and then be done with it.
But even if you think the onus is on them, it’s not good for you or for your career to just be so bitter.
It’s better to be productive and grateful for any and all opportunities that come your way.
I’ve always been a fan of the philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh, and I think he has some wisdom on this stuff.
He said:
“When our mind is entangled with anger, jealousy, or sadness, we can be in that state hour after hour, day after day. It’s a pity, because meanwhile, life is wondrous. If we only concentrate on breathing in and seeing that our body is a wonder, we can see that nothing else is really important. It’s only the peace in our body and in our mind that matters. Anyone can attain this insight. While we sit, we can be with our breathing, we can let go of tensions, and we can have peace. This peace is the most precious thing there is, more precious than any pursuit.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh, ‘How to Relax’
No, look, I don’t expect you to become a Buddhist. And I also don’t think every nepo baby deserves their career.
But I do think there’s peace to be found in letting go of everything you cannot control.
You can write better scripts, make better movies, or network better.
You can try to be the best version of an artist that you can be.
That’s what will get you noticed. And if it doesn’t, I am sorry. I wish life were different. But that kind of stuff is out of our control.
Accepting it is the first step toward that moment of zen and toward telling better stories, without being hung up on who will read them, but dedicated to the idea that if and when they do, you won’t miss an opportunity because they’re great.
Happy Birthday, Mom.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
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